Pushing me away
by wolf and dragon girl
Summary: can't do summary. so just read the story. KR
1. Pushing me away

Reposted because ff.net deleted my account. (wolfy girl)  
  
Well I hope like it. I'm Dutch so my English is al little bit crappy. Just to warn you  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the beyblade characters or the song  
  
The song I use is 'Pushing me away' of Linkin park. YEAH LINKIN PARK RULEZ!!!  
  
# # means song  
  
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I'm sitting on the cough watching you how you're arguing with Tyson again. Sometimes I have this feeling of jalousie. It seems sometimes you don't love me. I want to kiss you and hug in public. But I don't want to break our relationship, even how little it is. "Fine if you really want it this way. Tomorrow we're going to train two hours longer." you say at Tyson and walk to your room. "I'm tired, so I'm going to bed." I say and walk without waiting for an answer to the room I share with you. (A/N no really) there you're lying on your bed. "Is everything alright, Kai?" I ask. "hnpf" you answer. I clime in your bed and snuggle in your chest. "Not tonight Rei" you say while you push me from you.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'm not in the mood right now"  
  
You, you, you it's always you. "You don't mind?" you ask in a way if you don't really care. "Yeah, yeah, it's no problem." I lie. Lying, it's not that hard to do anymore.  
  
# I've lied to you  
  
The same way that I always do#  
  
"Are you really fine with it?" you ask. "Really." I say and smile at you.  
  
# This is the last smile  
  
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you#  
  
You turn your back at me while I clime in to my own bed. When I see you're asleep I sob a little. Why are you using me like some kind of toy? Be with me when you feel like it. If I say I minded you would get angry. So I lie. Many tears roll over my cheeks. I can't take this anymore. What should I do?  
  
# Everything falls apart  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie#  
  
Don't you see what you're doing to me? It hurts and still a part of me is still in love with you. It's a fight against pain and love. And there's still no winner.  
  
# Everything has to end  
  
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing  
  
Why I never walked away  
  
Why I played myself this way  
  
Now I see your testing me pushes me away#  
  
I can't go away and leave another team behind. Not again. I don't want to be seen as a traitor. Max, Tyson and Kenny are my friends. And you're the team captain, so I'm stuck with you. The others wouldn't understand if I told them. They're to young. Since you're my team captain and a part of me still loves you, I let you do this to me. I wish I could tell people that we're a couple, if you call this a couple. Maybe then you would act different. But I'm afraid of you when you get angry. I'm weak and not as strong as you.  
  
# I've tried like you  
  
To do everything you wanted too#  
  
But you're not perfect. You're only human. But you don't want people to see that. Not even little mistakes. Like this morning, when you forgot we had to go Mr. Dickerson (A/N do you spell it like that?) and I had to say it was because of me cause I wanted you to help me train a little bit more.  
  
# This is the last time  
  
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you  
  
Everything falls apart  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
  
Everything has to end  
  
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing  
  
Why I never walked away  
  
Why I played myself this way  
  
Now I see your testing me pushes me away#  
  
I can't take anymore. Finally pain had won over love. I won't be hurt by you again. Not one single time.  
  
# We're all out of time  
  
This is how we find how it all unwinds  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
  
We're all out of time  
  
This is how we find how it all unwinds  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing#  
  
I know everyone is asleep. I clime out of my bed and pack my belongings.  
  
# Why I never walked away#  
  
I have to go. And I have to leave my friends behind  
  
# Why I played myself this way#  
  
I'm going to start a new live. Far away from you. Far away from the bladebreakers.  
  
# Now I see your testing me pushes me away#  
  
My love for you will never go away, but the pain is bigger. I have to do this. I walk towards the door.  
  
# Pushes me away#  
  
I turn the doorknob. And grab tied of my bag. Away from you. Far away.  
  
# Pushes me away#  
  
"Where the hell do you think you're going."  
  
Or maybe not  
  
The end.  
  
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I'm mean I know. And for al you Kai lovers, I'm not a Kai hater. I just had needed someone to be like this. I luv Kai and Rei and Tala. Well what do you think please tell me. 


	2. numb

Again a song of linkin park. Numb  
  
Disclaimer: News flash: we just heard from our sources that wolf and dragon girl does not own anything. (wow what a surprise -_-;)  
  
# # Means song  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Kai's POV  
  
I roll on my side so my back is at you. Stupid Tyson. How dares he saying that to me. "I think your grandfather forgot to learn you some social skills." he had said. He knows nothing about the way I was raised. I feel that I'm tired. I close my eyes and fall to sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dream~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Come in," a voice said from behind the door I'm standing at. I open the door, without any control of my body. As I enter the room I recognize it. It's my grandfather's office. I see my grandfather standing at the window. "Kai, I need to talk with you," he says without looking at me. "Yes grandfather." I answer.  
  
"I'm disappointed in you. Today you lost that beyblade match. Why did you? Explain it."  
  
"I tried as hard as I could, but he was stronger than me.  
  
"Well I think you didn't try hard enough. You're a Hiwatari, Kai. And no grandson of me would be known as a loser. How would you ever expect to become the perfect blader if you lose every time."  
  
  
  
# I'm tired of being what you want me to be,  
  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface,#  
  
  
  
"It was only one match and you can learn from mistakes." I say. Before I know it my grandfather presses me against the wall. "How dare you to talk to me like that. I'm your grandfather. You should be thanking me for taking you into my household. I toke care of you and this is how you repay me. Lose and have a big mouth. I gave you the chance to be the world's greatest blader. Just like me. To keep up the name Hiwatari."  
  
  
  
# I don't know what you're expecting of me,  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.#  
  
  
  
"It was only a match," I mutter. "Still not understanding, aren't you? I can fix that." He grabs me by my hair and drags me into another room.  
  
No! Not this room! I don't want to remember anything that happed in that room!  
  
"This will teach you a lesson." my grandfather says, grabbing a long chain. I close my eyes in fear to wait for the smack. And it feels hard against my back.  
  
  
  
#[Caught in the undertow  
  
Just caught in the undertow]  
  
Every step that I take is  
  
Another mistake to you.  
  
[Caught in the undertow  
  
Just caught in the undertow]#  
  
  
  
I made myself ready for another blow. But there is none. I open my eyes, and I'm surrounded by darkness. I see a little boy playing on the ground. He looks happy yet very familiar. I walk towards him. He knows someone is there and turns around. "Hello mister, wanna play with me?" He asks happy. Play? Playing is a waste of time. No wait that's my grandfather thinking. Or not. I don't know it anymore.  
  
  
  
# I've become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Become so tired,  
  
So much more aware,  
  
I'm becoming this,#  
  
  
  
"Everything okay mister?" the little boy asks. Where do I know him from. I just can't place him. "If I'm sad I always sing my happy song. I call it the happy Kai song." Kai? His name is Kai. No way this could be me. I can't remember being like this. But he looks so much like me. Why didn't my grandfather let me like this? He's happy. I just wished that would stay.  
  
  
  
# All I want to do,  
  
Is be more like me,  
  
And be less like you#  
  
  
  
"You want me to sing it for you?" "No, that isn't necessary." The little me grabs my hand and we start walking. I see some orange light. When we got closer I see that the light is coming from a house that's on fire. "Mommy, daddy!" the little boy yells with tears in his eyes. He runs towards the house but is been stopped by a younger version of my grandfather. "Your mother and father are dead. From now on you will live with me." he says. "NO!" I yell, but they don't seem to hear nor see me. Little me turns his head in the direction of the remains of the house. His face full of tears. "Stop crying. You're a boy. Boys don't cry. If you cry you're weak. If you show any happy emotion you're weak. The only way to live in world is to be mean. If I'm done with you, you will be exactly what I want you to be. The perfect blader." my grandfather says disappearing out of my view.  
  
I look at the house. Only one door is left. I open it and walk through it. All of the sudden I'm the hotel room. I see Rei and myself standing there. "Kai please, I don't like it when you're acting so mean. I'm your boyfriend, can't you at least be nicer to me." Rei says. "If you want me to stay your boyfriend you have to respect me for who I am." the other me says. "But can't you be a little bit nicer to me." I see the other me slapping Rei against his cheek. "I am who I am. You have nothing to say about that. And as team captain you have to listen to me." With that the other me left the room.  
  
Tears run over Rei cheeks. And when he touches his red cheek more tears start to roll. I try to comfort him, but I can't reach him and he doesn't hear me. I never knew I hurt Rei so much. I didn't mean it. I don't know better. Rei runs out of the room and I follow. But as I go through the door I land in a big hall.  
  
"Where have you been," the o so familiar voice of my grandfather asks. "Out" I answer. "I told you not to go anywhere without my permission. Now go to your room and no dinner."  
  
  
  
# Can't you see that you're smothering me,  
  
Holding too tightly  
  
Afraid to lose control#  
  
  
  
I walk up the stairs and land in a place that looks like a prison. I walk until I reach a glass window. At the other side of the window I see my grandfather. "How dare you to come here, Kai. Hadn't had enough fun already about how you managed to get me here. How could you go to the police. I wished you never met that Rei." Rei? What has Rei to do with this?  
  
  
  
#'Cause everything that you thought I would be,  
  
Has fallen apart, right in front of you.#  
  
  
  
"I'm your grandfather. I took care of you. You will not get away with this. I will get you for this. Just wait until I'm out of here." He was dragged away. I want to get out of here. I want to know what this al means.  
  
  
  
#[Caught in the undertow  
  
Just caught in the undertow]  
  
Every step that I take is  
  
Another mistake to you.  
  
[Caught in the undertow  
  
Just caught in the undertow]  
  
And every second I waste  
  
Is more than I can take.  
  
I've become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Become so tired,  
  
So much more aware,  
  
I'm becoming this,  
  
All I want to do,  
  
Is be more like me,  
  
And be less like you.#  
  
  
  
I run for a while. I run and see flashes of me at the police station, with Rei at my side.  
  
  
  
# And I know I may end up failing too,  
  
But I know you were just like me,  
  
With someone disappointed in you#   
  
  
  
Rei. Why is he with me? I don't know what to do. I just keep on running. Running and don't stop. I don't know why I run I just do it.  
  
  
  
# I've become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Become so tired,  
  
So much more aware,  
  
I'm becoming this,  
  
All I want to do,  
  
Is be more like me,  
  
And be less like you.#  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of dream~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Slowly is open my eyes. I can hear you walking around. A quick glance at the clock tells me I've only been a sleep for a few minutes. I pretend to be asleep so you won't notice I'm awake. Why are you packing your stuff? You're leaving because of me? I have to stop you. I didn't mean it like that. I want to change. I want to be happy again. Just like I was when I was little.  
  
  
  
# I've become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.#  
  
  
  
I see you walking towards the door. I have to stop you. You're only one who could help me. The only one who would understand me.  
  
  
  
#I've become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.#  
  
  
  
"Where the hell do you think you're going."  
  
  
  
Okay that came out wrong.  
  
Tbc?  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^  
  
So what do you think. I know it's mean to end it at the exact moment like the other. But maybe I will continue. Tell me if you think I gave to much away in the dream and if you understand it. I really would like to know. Well I have to stop. ^^ 


End file.
